In Brief

What they didn't teach you in law school

Part 7 of a 7 part series

Read on to learn how you can start to use this skill to be receptive to diverse ideas, possibilities and solutions.

What is the skill of Being Unattached?
Being unattached is the skill of letting go of being right, of needing to have the answers, of worrying about what others think and being open to new ideas. Being unattached means being willing to look for the best solutions, which may not be your idea.

What's important about mastering the skill of Being Unattached?
When we're attached to a particular idea or outcome, we're stuck in a perspective that isn't useful, often judging others and being closed to new ideas. When we're attached, we're blind to other perspectives because we've boxed ourselves into believing it's "our way or the highway". Being attached prevents us from fully contributing to conversations, because we're afraid of being judged.

By contrast, being unattached allows us to examine many ideas and perspectives without having to "defend" our ideas and ourselves. When we're unattached, we can focus on the big picture rather than the specific way we get things accomplished.

Benefits of Being Unattached
When we're unattached, we can throw out an idea without worrying whether we--or our idea--will be rejected. It allows us to be receptive to diverse ideas, possibilities and solutions.

An Important Distinction - Being Committed versus Being Attached
Being committed can look very similar to being attached. Both involve loyalty and dedication to an end result.

The difference is the focus. When we're attached, we focus on how the end is achieved. There is only one "right way", our way. Anything else is the wrong way.

When we're committed, we're open to the how, while still committed--even attached--to the what of the bigger picture. The focus is on the endpoint, not the end result or the values that need to be respected along the way.

Examples of being attached:	Examples of being committed:
"I've got to make partner."	"I want a fulfilling, balanced career."
"That will never work."	"We must try everything we can--with integrity--to get our client the best solution."

Other examples:

• John F. Kennedy was committed to putting a man on the moon. He was unattached to how that would happen.
  
• In Dickens' A Christmas Carol, Ebenezer Scrooge was attached to being a curmudgeon, until the ghosts showed him his impact. Then he shifted his perspective (see Part 2 of this series) and chose to be generous and positive.
  
• In Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham, Sam is attached to not liking green eggs and ham. After trying them once, he is committed trying all kinds of new things.

How to be unattached

Identify a situation you feel very strongly about.

Ask yourself

What is the current situation?

What am I holding on to?

What is making my metaphorical knuckles turn white?

What am I reluctant to let go of?

What does it cost me to stay attached?

What would it cost me to let go?

What is keeping me from being unattached?

Once you are clear on what you are holding on to, its costs and benefits, what do you choose?

Complete this sentence:
Today I choose ___________________.

Examples:

• Today I choose to let go of being right and focus on the best outcome for my firm.
• Today I choose to be open to new ways of achieving our department goals, even if that means agreeing to do things differently than the way I suggested.
• Today I choose to let go of thinking I need to do it all myself and ask for help on this project.

Once you have made your choice, you need to decide what to do next. What will you do right now? Today? By the end of the week? Examples:

Right now, I will let go of thinking of Jane as being difficult to work with, and look for another way to work with her.

Right now, I will let go of thinking, I can't ask for help and call a brainstorming meeting with my team.

• Do watch the warning signs of being attached: