TFC skill-zine

Part 1 of a 7 part series

The Skill of

REQUESTING

By Miriam Bamberger, CPCC and Heather Bradley, CPCC

Increase your chances of getting what you want, when you want it and from whom you want it.

Each part in this series will introduce an important fundamental skill that every effective legal professional will need to manage complex work relationships.

We will explore each skill using The Flourishing Process -

What do you want to be different?

What choices do you need to make?

Get ahead. Start using the skill.

What is Requesting?

The skill of requesting is the ability to clearly articulate and ask for what you want or what you would like someone to do, and then receive a clear reply. By definition, the person receiving the request can say no.

What’s important about mastering the skill of requesting?

Many of us make (and receive) requests that are vague and unclear. By replacing imprecise language with clear requests and replies, the greater the chance you will get what you want or expect.

An Important Distinction - Requesting Versus Demanding

One thing that distinguishes a request from a demand or other forms of speech is that the request-ee has the ability to say no. When a police officer says, “Mr. Smith, we have a search warrant. May we come in?” it may sound like a request, but since Mr. Smith doesn’t have the option to say “no”, it doesn’t meet the definition of a request. Similarly, while your GC or lead partner may ask you to do something using the request formula, “no” may not really be an acceptable answer. Use your professional judgment and intuition to decide whether or not you can say “no” to a request without repercussions. This article looks only at the mechanics of requesting, and does not address the issues involving an imbalance of power in a relationship, such as the power differential between boss and subordinate.

How to make a REQUEST

According to Leadership and the Art of Conversation by Kim H. Krisco, there are 3 basic steps.

Step 1

Ask yourself:

What do you want to be different? Specifically, what do you want to happen, or stop happening, as a result of this request?
What are your conditions for satisfaction?

Step 2

Formulate your request. An effective request includes 3 elements:

Saying exactly what you want
Saying exactly when you want it
Saying exactly whom you want it from.

Here are some samples of clear and unclear requests:

Unclear Request	Clear Request
We need to get a handle on expenses for the last year. Look into it, will you, Steve?	Steve, I saw the quarterly expense report that you did for Sally. I’d like to have a similar report for discrimination complaints, only I need it by month rather than by quarter. My request is that you have that complete and on my desk by noon tomorrow. Will you do that?
Let’s get together.	My request is that we have lunch next Tuesday at noon. Are you available?

Step 3

Making a request is only half of the conversation that creates action. The other half depends on getting a valid or clear response.

The 3 proper responses to a request:

Accept – exactly what, when and who
Decline – say no to the request
Counteroffer – reply with a change or modification to the request

Remember, if you cannot say no without repercussions, it was not a true request!

You are responsible for your role in a conversation.

What do you choose: to make clear requests or risk not getting what you want?

When will you choose to make requests?

With whom?

Go ahead! Start now!

Increase your chances of getting what you want, when you want it and from whom you want it.

Notice what works for you and what doesn’t. If you get stuck, the steps detailed above will help you assess your requesting abilities.

Requesting Do's

	DO check your requests
	Be aware of the requests that you are making and the results you are receiving. If you are not getting the results you want, examine the actual request.

	Have you asked for
	exactly *what* you want exactly *when* you want it exactly *whom* you want it from.
	DO watch for non-responses such as “I’ll try” or “we’ll see.”
	As the requestor, it is your responsibility to get a clear response to your request. Politely but firmly press the request.
	Does that mean ‘I’ll try—yes’ or ‘I’ll try—no?’ I am sorry to push you on this, but if the answer is no, I need to make other arrangements.
	DO say, “My request is….”
	While it may feel a little stilted at first, this phrasing dramatically clarifies the exchange for both parties.

	DO see a 'no' for what it is
	The ‘no’ is to your request, not to you as a human being. If ‘no’ isn’t an acceptable response, you have not made a request, no matter how beautifully phrased.