The following is an article written by The Flourishing Company and featured in the  new e-zine published by the Minority Corporate Counsel Association.
  April 22, 2004                                                  Excerpt VOLUME II ISSUE II

 

In Brief

What they didn't teach you in law school
 

Part 3 of a 7 part series

The Skill of

 NAMING IT

By Miriam Bamberger, CPCC and Heather Bradley, CPCC 

Clear your working environment
 of the unspoken so it doesn't 
contaminate your relationships.
Read on to learn how you can
start using this skill to check
assumptions, expectations and
experiences, address concerns
    and ask for what you need.
  Each part in this series will introduce an important fundamental skill that every effective legal professional will need to manage complex work relationships.

We will explore each skill using The Flourishing Process -

What do you want to be different? What choices do you need to make? Get ahead.  Start using the skill.

What is the skill of Naming It?

'Naming it' is the skill of articulating the things—both negative and positive—that are hard to say. The unspoken can be harmful. Feelings, assumptions and perceptions that remain bottled up can fester, poisoning an office environment.
What’s important about mastering the skill of Naming It?

We cannot address or change what we don’t know. Naming it moves what is concealed into the open, where it can be dealt with. While it may be uncomfortable, naming it fosters better communication by allowing all parties to check their assumptions, expectations and experiences, address concerns and ask for what they need.
Benefits of Naming It
It may be easier to understand the benefits of naming by first looking at the risks of not naming. Not naming a feeling, request or situation can waste time and money by leading our team down a wrong path. Not naming can cause resentment or pressure to build because we do not have the full picture when making decisions or reacting to a conversation.

By contrast, the benefits of naming include

  • More clarity/less confusion
  • Fewer assumptions
  • Informed choices, not choices made from fear
How to NAME Something
Think of a specific situation where you have been holding back.
    Examples:
    My boss likes others better than me.
    Ellen never does the report the right way.
    George is always late.
    It's all so unfair!!
Step 1 - What do you want to be different?
  • What do would you say if you knew there would be no consequences?
Ask yourself:
  • What is your current perspective?
  • How are you approaching the situation now?

    Examples:
    "You treat Joe differently than you treat me."
    "Ellen, the report needs to be arranged this way."
    "Our work day begins at 9:00, not 9:20."
    "I am upset that _____"
Step 2 - Identify the other person(s) involved.
Step 3 – Assess the Risk
  • What is the cost of naming this issue to the right person?
  • What is the cost of not naming it?
  • What is keeping you from naming? Fear of something? Avoiding conflict? Something else?
Step 4 – Name it to yourself

 
Choose what to do next. Using your specific example, consider the following options:
    Option 1: Do not Name It to anyone else –
        Sometimes naming the real issue to yourself is enough for you to deal with it. Simply by identifying the core issue, we are able to let it go; sometimes it is not necessary to name it publicly. In this case, your assessment of the risks outweighs the benefits to address the issue.

        **Remember, other people are not mind readers. It is unreasonable to expect them to understand or change something they do not know about.
    Option 2: Name It to the person(s) who need(s) to hear it.

What do you choose to do about naming it?

In your specific example, what action do you need to take?

If you chose Option 1, not naming it, it’s time to let go.

If you chose Option 2, it's time to speak with the person you identified.
Knowing what you have chosen to name,

  • What will you do right now?
      Example:
      Right now, I will write down the specific examples of how I think my boss treats Joe differently than me.

  • What will you do sometime today?
      Example:
      By the end of the day, I will practice this "script" with someone in HR and role play possible outcomes.

  • What will you do by the end of the week?
      Example:
      By the end of the week, I will have this discussion with my boss.

  Naming It Do's
Do Name Early and Often
  • If named early, many issues can be nipped in the bud, rather than left to fester. The longer something remains unnamed, the bigger "gremlins" get.
Do watch for the Warning Signs:
  • Frustration
  • Confusion
  • Fear of repercussions
  • Tolerating
Do watch for positive Naming opportunities
  • Complimenting, acknowledging or thanking others can be just as awkward as naming something negative, yet it is just as important to articulate the positives.
    "Sarah, you had a very powerful opening argument in court this morning."
Do use the Requesting skill from Part 1 of this series when you Name
  • Have you said what you want, exactly when you want it and exactly whom you want it from?
  • Did you get a clear reply? Do you know what you can expect going forward?
Do notice the impact on yourself and others.
  • Distinguish between surprise because people aren't used to naming and discomfort or offense.

Recommended Reading
Getting to Yes Roger Fisher, William Ury and Bruce Patton
The Inner Game of Work Timothy Gallwey
Leadership and the Art of Conversation Kim H. Krisco
Co-Active Coaching Whitworth, et al

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