|
’Tis the
season to give gifts. The commercials started around Labor Day, but
now is the time to get busy: What presents will we give to whom
during this holiday season?
Giving co-workers presents can be awkward, and your company or firm
most likely has a practice of sending seasonal cards to current and
prospective clients. Rather than trying to find the right book,
coffee mug, or other trinket, this year, give your staff, clients,
vendors, and colleagues what they really want and cannot give
themselves: your appreciation.
Many professionals feel this kind of verbal recognition is not
important. “He knows how I feel. If he wasn’t doing a good job, he’d
know,” is a common refrain from senior attorneys. This statement may
be true. But it is also true that with today’s workplace requiring
simultaneous focus on productivity, efficiency, and political
correctness, we often lose sight of the humanity of the people with
whom we work.
Research suggests this attitude is costly. Indeed, the primary
reasons that employees leave their jobs are irregular or nonexistent
feedback, criticism instead of praise, and managers’ inattention to
the people they supervise.1
With clients, recognition is just as important. Many attorneys
shrink from the idea of praising clients, fearful they’ll be
perceived as buttering up. But clients are people, too, and
remembering the value of simple acts of kindness can produce
handsome rewards.
Marc, a senior associate at a prominent firm, had a client who was
the general counsel of a large telecommunications company. Working
on this client’s matters accounted for nearly one-third of Marc’s
billable time. “I always praised his work, directly to him, and also
to his boss, the CEO. I saw it as my job to make him look good to
his boss,” he told us. As a result, when Marc left for a new firm,
the client chose to follow him.
Where to Start
Beyond the company-sponsored gifts sent to clients or given to
employees, give your own verbal workplace gifts. Here are three to
put at the top of your shopping list:
- Compliments,
- Thanks, and
- Acknowledgments.
With the first two, we refer to the customary
definition:
To offer a compliment is to praise an action or
quality.
Example:
“You did a nice job on the Acme memo today.”
To extend thanks is to express appreciation for an
action or quality.
Example:
“Thank you for working so hard on the Acme memo.”
Although the dictionary defines “acknowledge” as
“recognition or favorable notice of an act or achievement,” in the
workplace we use it differently. An acknowledgment addresses who the
person is, or what qualities a person draws on, rather than what the
person has done.
Example:
Your flexibility in staying late to finish the memo was the key to
completing this project ahead of schedule.
When complimenting and thanking, we address the
action the person has taken—writing a memo. When acknowledging, we
speak to the characteristic or quality the person demonstrated
(flexibility, in the above example), rather than the act of writing.
Selecting the
Perfect Gift for Each Person
The most meaningful acknowledgments reflect what is important to the
person or people receiving them. Conversely, acknowledgment for less
valued characteristics can miss the mark. Consider Jane, a deputy
general counsel at a large corporation. One of her direct reports,
Steve, wrangled with a highly technical problem, and he identified
two solutions. One solution had few potential consequences, and in
turn, little pay off; the other had high stakes but, potentially, a
huge reward. Jane trusted Steve’s judgment and she wanted to see him
spread his wings, so she left the final decision up to him. Steve
chose the more dangerous solution, and it paid off. Wishing to
acknowledge the risk Steve took, Jane said, “Steve, your willingness
to take risks is a key to this department’s success.” Steve looked
at Jane with a blank stare.
Jane had offered a beautiful acknowledgment: She addressed a quality
of Steve’s, his willingness to take risks. But it fell flat because
Steve did not perceive his decision as a risk at all. Rather, Steve
felt his good decision was due to his exhaustive research and
careful analysis. Had Jane said, “Steve, your willingness to track
down every detail is a key to this department’s success,” it would
have meant more to Steve, leaving them both feeling better.
So how do you find out what is important to
people?
First, ask. Make an effort to find out what is
important to each person on your team. You do not need to delve
deeply. Simply ask questions, such as, “What is important about
that?” and listen carefully. This is not an overnight process, yet
over time, you will have a good idea of what makes each person tick.
Second, don’t worry too much. It is better to offer an
acknowledgment from your land, than to not offer one at all. (For a
complete discussion of lands, see “This Land was Made for You and
Me,” Diversity & the Bar®, May/June 2004.)
The Flourishing Process™ can help you sort out your verbal gift
list.
Clarity: Making a List
Identify whom you would like to thank, compliment, or acknowledge.
For starters, make a list of 10 people with whom you work—client,
colleague, boss, or subordinate. For each person, identify what you
would like to be different after receiving your gift. What would you
like each person to think or feel afterward?
Choice: Check it Twice
Double-check that what you choose to say is suitable. If you have
any questions about whether or not something is appropriate, check
with your lead partner or human resources department.
Thinking ahead, what do you choose for yourself in the coming year?
How about choosing a New Year’s resolution to make thanks,
compliments, and acknowledgments a regular habit?
Action: Deliver Your Gifts
What do you need to do in order to start sharing your gifts? Do you
need to schedule a conference call or lunch appointment? Do you need
to draft your thoughts on paper so you’re comfortable when the time
comes?
• What will you do right now?
• What will you do by the end of the week?
• What will you do to ensure you stick with your New Year’s
resolution?
Although bumper stickers say practice random acts of kindness, this
process deserves thoughtful consideration. In turn, your verbal
gifts may be the most treasured.
NOTE
1. Leigh Branham, “The 7 Hidden Reasons Employees Leave,” HR
Magazine, May 2005, at
http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m3495/is_5_50/ai_n13721406#continue.
|
Recommended Resources
|
Co-Active
Coaching |
Laura
Whitworth, Henry Kimsey-House and Phil Sandahl |
|
First,
Break All the Rules |
Marcus
Buckinghamand Curt Coffman |
|
The Inner
Game of Work |
Timothy
Gallwey |
|
 Miriam
Bamberger, CPCC, and Heather Bradley, CPCC, are the
co-founders of The Flourishing Company, which helps emerging
professionals sharpen their leadership skills to generate
immediate and lasting changes in their ability to successfully
manage complex work relationships. |
From
the November/December 20005 issue of
Diversity & The Bar®
|
©2005
The Flourishing Company. All Rights Reserved.
|
|
